


Haze

by byekeiji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Short One Shot, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28536141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/byekeiji/pseuds/byekeiji
Summary: Akaashi Keiji has struggled with anxiety pretty much all of his life. Until Bokuto came around. He had months of sunshine and clear days because of the man and almost forgot about his anxiety until he wakes up one day to a familiar haze setting in.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62
Collections: BokuAka Week





	Haze

The moment Akaashi woke up he knew something was off. The moment he sat up he realized that the weight that has been missing from his chest for a few months had reappeared. This startled him, because he realized that it had been so long since he felt this way. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had felt this way, only that the weight that had plagued him for years seemed to have vanished the moment Bokuto showed up in his life.

Bokuto. He couldn’t let Bokuto see him like this. This weight, this feeling, this was something he didn’t ever want to place in Bokuto’s hands. It was already a big enough burden for him, and he couldn’t bear the thought of burdening Bokuto in any way. He only ever wanted to see a smile on that beautiful face for as long as he lived. So Akaashi was going to get rid of this quickly, so that Bokuto wouldn’t even have to know, much less worry about him.

This was easier said than done. Akaashi tried all of the solutions that normally helped perk him up and get him out of his mood: he listened to some of his favorite music, read from his favorite book, made himself some tea, tried watching an old comfort show, made himself a good breakfast. But nothing was working. He kept zoning out, his brain seeming to only want to focus on how off-kilter he was and how wrong everything about today was. He could feel himself slowly spiraling, feel himself slipping towards the point of no return. He didn’t want today be like this. He couldn’t have today be like this.

He slid down to the floor to ground himself, the cool feel of the hard wood giving him something to focus on. He sat there breathing and staring vaguely out the kitchen window for a long time, much longer than he meant to. He finally decided that the safest thing was for him to just skip today. To just lay down in bed and wait for the weight on his chest to get lighter. For time to clear the dark clouds that seemed to be growing in his apartment.

He was halfway down the hallway when he heard frantic knocking at the door. Confused, he turned back. The knocking didn’t stop until Akaashi opened the door to see Bokuto standing there, his face full of panic and worry. “Bokuto-san. What are you doing here?” Bokuto didn’t respond right away, walking into Akaashi’s apartment and looking around for something frantically before turning around to stare at him with the same worried look.

“I’ve been texting and calling you all day and you haven’t responded. I was really worried that something had happened. Are you okay? What’s wrong? Did something happen? Did I do something? Are you sick of me? Am I being too clingy?”

Akaashi looked at the clock and realized that it was already 6. He’d been so focused on trying to fix himself that he lost track of time. Bokuto must be worried and that was the last thing he wanted. He was still foggy though, and tried to answer Bokuto as best as he could. “No, no, everything’s fine Bokuto-san. You did nothing wrong. I just…lost track of time.”

Akaashi had put this wall up so many times it was second nature for him at this point. He did it subconsciously now, keeping his heart safe the best way he knew. But the moment he looked up and made eye contact with Bokuto, he knew that Bokuto had seen right through his lie. He forgot how good this man was at reading him, how he could pick up on his little facial expressions and gestures to know exactly what was running through his mind. He had never had someone be able to see through him like this, and though he thought this would scare him, he found himself relieved every time because the man knew just what to say and do to get Akaashi out of his head.

“Hey,” Bokuto said gently, stepping closer to be able to cup his face and keep their eyes locked, knowing that Akaashi was bound to try to look everywhere else to avoid the vulnerability. “It’s okay to not be okay. And I can tell that you’re not okay right now. Sometimes you need to feel these things to help them pass, and I want to be there for you. What do you need from me?”

Looking into his eyes, seeing the sincere look on his face, Akaashi broke down. This man seemed to see right to his core and after the day he had had, he didn’t have the energy to push him away any longer. His tears were silent but did not go unnoticed, Bokuto wiping them away with his thumbs while maintaining eye contact with Akaashi. Akaashi didn’t have the strength to stand any more, and as his knees started to give out, Bokuto grabbed his hand and walked him over to the couch. Bokuto sat down first, gently pulling Akaashi with him into a big hug before letting him sit up.

Akaashi told him everything, about today, about how it’s persisted all his life, the past few months. Akaashi had never been this open with anyone in his life, and it was the strangest feeling. Bokuto simply sat and listened intently, his thumb rubbing small circles on Akaashi’s knee. Akaashi looked to his hands as he finished, not wanting to see the expression on Bokuto’s face as he told him he was crazy. But the words never came. All Akaashi heard was silence. He waited a few moments before looking up at Bokuto, surprised to see him looking at him with the most loving gaze.

“I’m sorry you have to go through that Keiji.” (Akaashi nearly melted at the use of his given name) Bokuto pulled Akaashi to his chest, one hand settling on his lower back, the other stroking his hair. “I want you to know that I am always going to be here for you. You don’t have to go through this alone anymore or feel like you need to hide this part of yourself from me. I love you. All of you. And I’m not going anywhere. Nothing you do is going to make me want to leave. You make me so happy it’s ridiculous. You’re stuck with me now.” He laughed and leaned back enough to look at Akaashi directly. “And I am going to spend every day trying to make you just as happy as you make me. Because you deserve the world Keiji. You are my world. And though it might seem like everything is shit and life is out of wack, just know that I am here and I love you and that will never change.”

Akaashi was sure he was just a puddle at this point, his chest full of warmth and love for the ball of sunshine in front of him. And that’s when it hit him. The reason all of his old tactics for feeling better weren’t working was because he had found a new remedy. Bokuto was his new favorite thing. He was the person he wanted to spend every second with, every hard time and every exciting accomplishment made better because of him. With Bokuto by his side, he would never be lost in his own cloudy haze. He had found his north star and his home in one beautifully chaotic person and he was determined to never let go.


End file.
